Ajahn Amaro

The Buddha, I’m told, gave some 84,000 talks during his 45 years of teaching. Also, I’m told, he had an uncanny ability to tailor his words to fit the minds and experiences of his listeners. One of the Buddha’s disciples, Ajahn Amaro, the co-abbot of Abhayagiri Buddhist Monastery, also seems to have this ability. This was true at least for me, who heard him speak this weekend at the meditation center Robin and I frequent.

In my previous post, I asked the question: What is Happiness? I described the sadness in our household that surrounded the discovery of a large abscess on the shoulder of Robin’s dog, Metta. Although he is healing, post surgery, we still don’t know whether or not he has cancer. Getting an answer to that question, which at this moment isn’t necessary, will require an outlay of an additional $150.

The question of happiness in the preceding post centers around our attachment to the people and things we love – in this case, a pet. Bluntly, without having the pets that bring so much happiness, one would not suffer the unhappiness of losing a pet. The temporary happiness we may perceive is not real happiness, but the beginnings of suffering. True happiness comes only when we’ve abandoned all that brings unhappiness.

On Friday, Ajahn Amaro looked around the crowded and sweltering room and said he would set the theme for the evening on the Piyajatika Sutta. The English title is “Born from Those Who Are Dear.”

In the story, a householder’s son has died. The man goes to the the Buddha. The story does not say why the man seeks out the Buddha, but the Enlightened One notices right away that the man is one “not in control of his own mind. Your faculties are deranged.”

The householder tells the Buddha, “How could my faculties not be deranged? Since he has died I have no more desire to work or to eat. I keep going to the charnel ground and crying: ‘My only son, where are you? My only son, where are you?’”

The Buddha responds heartily: “So it is, householder, so it is! Sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair are born from those who are dear, arise from those who are dear.”

The man is irritated. “Venerable sir, who would ever think that sorrow, lamentation pain, grief and despair are born from those who are dear, arise from those who are dear? Venerable sir,” he argues, “happiness and joy are born from those who are dear, arise from those who are dear.” Displeased, he left the Buddha to find others who would agree with him that happiness – not suffering – comes from those who are dear.

The king and queen, having heard of the the man’s encounter with the Buddha, also are drawn into the story. The king agrees with the householder, the queen with her teacher, the Buddha. To make sure she understands the Buddha’s words correctly, she sends a brahmin to the Buddha to confirm that – indeed – pain, grief, lamentation, and despair are born from those who are dear to us.

To the brahmin the Buddha lays out many examples of how this is so. When the information is relayed to the queen, she convinces the king, who has to agree that if any of his own loved ones would die, he would suffer in many ways.

On Saturday afternoon, Robin told Ajahn about her dog, the prospect he may have cancer, and the decision she will have to make were that the case. “What can you say about this?” she asked.

Ajahn’s answer was not what one may expect. He made no judgments. He offered no guidance about what is “right” or what is “wrong.” He offered no advice on what course of action we could or should take. Instead, he said to be attuned to what is happening within each moment. Leave spaciousness for the answers to come, without interjecting concepts of “I, me, or mine.” See what happens then reassess. He explained that so often people hope that some authority will solve our problems by telling us what to do. Not so, he said. He pointed to his heart, saying, “The real authority is here.”

His answer, much longer than I’ve related here, was reassuring to me. Reassuring because of the affirmation that I can trust my own judgment about what is right and what is wrong. Of course, I knew that already.

Maybe.

When we think of greed it conjures images of taking more and more and more than our share (i.e., what we deserve). There is more to greed and greediness than scooping money into a pile and diving into it. According to the Buddha, any kind of wanting is considered as greed. There is no line of demarkation that identifies one level of wanting as okay and harmless and another level as greed and destructive. It’s all the same. Wanting is wanting. And wanting leads to dissatisfaction. Sometimes dissatisfaction leads to hatred and destruction.

We are supposed to want things, though. It’s considered abnormal to be contented with what we have and easily satisfied with what we are given. We are supposed to strive, to acquire, to succeed. We are supposed to fulfill our desires. Being good consumers (i.e., greedy) makes us good citizens because we contribute to flow of money. It keeps things humming. And when things are humming nicely we are happy. Sort of, for a while, in a deluded sort of way.

Not being ambitious also is considered abnormal. Ambition – wanting to be something – is a form of greed and a cause of suffering. In keeping up with the election (and observing my feelings about it) I’ve noticed just how much unhappiness surrounds the campaigns because of the ambitions of the candidates. Both candidates are driven to win. They are doing their best to conquer the other. Regardless of who wins, there will much anger and despair throughout the country because we are so much identified with our party and attached to winning. To be sure, some of us won’t get what we want. Although it may seem as though the suffering will be limited to the side that doesn’t win, it certainly will extend to both sides and touch every one of us.

The challenge is to recognize truth of suffering for what it is. If wanting and attachment are involved in any way, suffering will follow.

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