In my previous post I talked about the bit of insight I had into anatta, no-self. Two questions arose. What does it mean? which I have addressed, and how has it changed things?
The answer to the second question is, I don’t know. Maybe it hasn’t or won’t change anything. Already the memory of the experience has faded, and the importance of the moment has diminished. It’s no more prominent in my mind than my experience so long ago of my first visit to Disneyland, one of the many other neighborhoods of make-believe where people love to play. I remember, vaguely, being there, but I can’t remember how it felt to be there.
I still must do the same things today to survive in the world as I did yesterday and the day before. And I will tomorrow, too. But the event did happen. It opened a new window into the way things are. How it changes things will depend on how long I gaze through the window.
A day after my mental experience, the view from window fogged over, and I experienced a few days of doubt. Doubt is the fifth of the five hindrances to mediation in particular and spiritual development in general. Doubt can lead to despair, which can easily lead into what John Bunyon described in The Pilgrim’s Progress as “the slough of despond.”
But even doubt is just another conditioned experience, a thing that arises and passes away. The clouds of doubt have been swept away by the pure breeze of some of the easiest and most focused meditation I’ve had in years.
I guess that’s a change to consider.
One Comment
A friend once wryly commented that Descarte had it wrong, that the real quote should have been “I think, therefore I’m confused.”